It’s just that now I feel lost. Not just cuz of him but over all after facing different traumas in 2017 and this being the big trigger… as this relationship kept me in a happy zone where I’ll still be of help for others. Now I just want to be able to help myself and even that isn’t easy.  Need to know how to get out of self pity – better than the first month though but still – their marriage felt like a slap, made me laugh and cry both. Lol

i realised I can relate with the symbol of a Phoenix that rises from the ashes stronger than before but duh! It’s not like I’ll rise to MT EVEREST. Also strength makes one bitter as well… I can react strongly to things sometimes, I think it’s the anger within. At the same time I can pretend well in front of friends.  Don’t want to take life so seriously.

For laughter I guess I should watch comedy movies but even there love and romance is involved which makes me think of what’s missing from my life.

Now looking for settlement can’t be ones purpose of life… can it? Lost indeed. Anyway gotten through much worse so this too shall pass. Just that “chirpy” side. 🙂

just blabbing before I close my eyes to sleep.

Thanks for listening Mark. You do look in the best shape of your life btw standing next to your bike 😉