Dear joanna:

Regarding your father: he and your mother were not good parents to you. Both. In the context of your relationship with either one, you were the victim and he/she was the victimizer.

How can you live with hating and punishing your father when he is now dead? Your hate and any behavior toward him that you consider punishing is a consequence of his actions. In the context of your relationship with him, it is you who was the innocent party and he was the guilty party. (Same in regard to you and your mother).

How to live with that.. this is how I think about it- one day I will be dead too. It is not like a parent is dead for eternity while I will be alive for eternity. I will die too, so all of my distresses have a time limit.

As far as the guy, you wrote:” How can he want me and not want me at the same time”- my answer: he wants part of you and he doesn’t want the other part of you. Reads to me, as you suspect yourself, that he wants your body. He doesn’t want your well-being, your best interest.

Let’s think about this: if he wants your body, the use of your body, and maybe he wants the sense of power over you, that he gets what he wants from you, but he doesn’t want you to be well, that is not his concern- well, how does it make you feel?

anita