Dear Cat:

I heard the term you mentioned, but prefer it if you described what it means to you, what you experienced with your parents (“My parents did that to me a lot”).

Regarding my memory, all my childhood memories can be placed in a five minute film, at the most, I am thinking. It is incredible how little I remember. But considering I was as dissociated as I was, that is, as removed from my experience as was possible for a child, it is not incredible. When actual life experiences are removed from awareness as possible, those experiences don’t stick (in memory).

Am I currently living a life that I love? As much as is possible for me at this point. Loving life? I look at our dog (the neighbors’ dog really, but he doesn’t know it), he loves life, curious to explore, is out there exploring in the rain. Exploring, or learning is my passion to, like Hunter’s (our dog). I still suffer from anxiety, and anxiety is very unpleasant. In the process of healing, ongoing.

As to “many women who put so much focus and attention on to guys who don’t deserve it”- all boys are born deserving, you know, as deserving as girls. In relationships often enough it is the women who abuse the men. And then, there is the unfortunate taught messages, about sex and women, about using women for sex… and the women using men.

We, women and men, tend to look at others as our saviors. Seems like everyone is looking at everyone as saviors while nobody is qualified.

anita