Dear Livy- I feel like I could have written your post. Prior to my current relationship, which a few of he posters on here are aware of, I was in a 26 year relationship almost identical to the one you are in now. The signs appeared very early. We were in therapy the first two years we were together even before we got engaged. I was young – 22 when we met. We ended up getting married and the problems never went away, despite how badly he felt about it. He didn’t seem to want to want me. You see what I am saying? It one thing to have issues either medical or psychological that prevented him from wanting me, but the fact that he didn’t seem to care enough to try  to make a change was the part that was damaging. And similar to your situation, we would go in cycles. It would get better for a spell then revert back. It got to the point where my confidence as a woman was completely destroyed. I did not feel emotionally safe with this man because I was always afraid of being rejected. After such a long time of not feeling desired, I felt undesirable. It took me 26 years to see the light and get out to save myself and my sense of womanhood. He may have had psychological issues and/or medical issues,  but eventually it became ingrained in our dynamic. And he just didn’t seem interested. I don’t want you to waste all those years like I did not feeling like the woman you want to feel like. I am 49 years old and starting over. I am now in another relationship which is now physically gratifying but emotionally depleted. The dynamic in my marriage affected me deeper than I could have imagined.  And I realize that it is all on me that I should have left when I saw the signs.  But regardless the bottom line is the way in which I receive love is different from how he wants to give it.

Feel free to write back with questions.  There is a lot more I am happy to share because your situation sounds eerily similar.

xo