Dear Rich:

Welcome back to your thread.

Regarding this woman lying to you, I believe that she is still responsible for lying to you, that she did you wrong, lying to you even if you saw it coming. A person who abuses another in any way is as responsible for doing so whether the abused let it happen or not, even if the abused comes back for more. She lied- her wrongdoing, not yours.

I understand cognitive understanding vs emotional understanding. The core beliefs you expressed, being unlovable, that is a thought glued with emotion that is imprinted in the brain. When you think a counter thought: I am lovable, there is no emotion to attach this thought into your brain. So you have a … dry thought that doesn’t have a chance to undo the core belief.

How to get a counter emotional experience so that you can feel being lovable? Only one way, and that is to have a loving relationship of some sort. It is similar to a person looking for a job that requires prior experience- how will you get the experience if you don’t get the job first. Maybe in a similar way that some people solve this job/prior experience conflict, your love/ prior experience can be resolved…

anita