“We are more often frightened than hurt; and we suffer more from imagination than from reality. -Seneca

Hi Kittycat100

I know it well. Experiencing the suffering of an imagined tomorrow… today. Why waist an opportunity to suffer today for a future opportunity that might not happen…  I had to ask myself… did I like suffering? I know that sounds wack but why else would I be allowing myself to miss out on the present moment in order to worry and suffer about an imagined future. I must want to suffer… and at some level that was/is actually true. Lord knows I am good at creating the opportunities.

Anyway, I found taking the time to examine the stories I tell myself for cognitive distortions helpful. I also acknowledge that I’m a defensive pessimist. Meaning that when presented with a problem I tend to focus on what could go wrong so that I can take steps to prepare and prevent it. Once I have a plan the worry subsides. (I should note being a defensive pessimist is not a negative or positive attribute its just a way of avoiding stress when solving problems. You don’t want a strategic optimist building your house though you might want them to help you sell it.)

The purpose of worry is to identity outcomes you would prefer not to happen so that you can then work to avoid. The problem is that its is our nature is to lock our eyes onto our fear. We can’t look away and then tend to hit what were “looking” at.  In the practice of mindfulness, we learn how to acknowledge our fears without locking our attention onto them. Instead we use the information that our fear shows us we are concerned about and focus on where it is we want to go. Once the issues are identified there is no longer a need to focus on the worry… unless one likes to suffer.

“In racing, they say that your car goes where your eyes go. The driver who cannot tear his eyes away from the wall as he spins out of control will meet that wall; the driver who looks down the track as he feels his tires break free will regain control of his vehicle.” – Garth Stein – Racing in the Rain

How do you live for now?  We work for that which no work is required.