Dear Anita,

I understand. Just my thoughts, again different emotions mean different things to people. My mother taught me to be angry and to hate. Since I started to look more kindly at people I feel better. The only person I still feel angry at is her. And this is what you call “healing”, must be faced and something must be done.

I texted him random text yesterday, I don’t know why, I just did without thinking. He didn’t respond. Taking into account the last days’ “rollercoaster” I refrain myself from self harming, I started to control it, sometimes I even don’t feel like doing it, or when I do it I noticed I do it more like a habit than seeking a relief, that’s funny. I sometimes heard smokers do that, smoking or just holding a cigarette out of habit. I sometimes feel the same, I think it’s good. Sometimes I allow myself to do it, as you told me not to beat myself up – I tried to not beat myself up for NEEDING to do it, just allowed myself without feeling of guilt after that and the result is – It’s okay I sometimes am overwhelmed with emotions and need a relief so in the least harmful way I do it, I allow myself and I don’t regret or blame myself, and feel more at peace now, just not feeling like doing it over the last weeks. I know it’ll come back perhaps but there are small steps forward, right