Hello anita

That is true, I definitely think my mother intended to cause me pain. In fact once she even told me to my face that she couldn’t stop, I was an outlet… I was mainly thinking of my father when I typed that, my mistake for not specifying enough. He has hit me a few times in the past and the psychological damage was nowhere near the scale of my mother, but he was mostly dragged outside to be belted or hit for discipline from his parents as a child, so he has struggled in life. I don’t really find that any excuse to attack me, I just find it slightly easier to forgive him because he is honestly trying to make up for it and is a genuine parent beneath all his pain. My mother, on the other hand, is not.

Thank you, it is good to look at reality as it is. I will work on accepting that she was trying to hurt me so I can let go sooner.