Dear Nellie57:

Reads like you were not helped yet. You reached out to your family for help and they didn’t help, let you down. The professionals in the hospital are not helping you. This is believable to me, I too was not helped for decades. Sure there were gestures and acts of kindnesses by people, sometimes, but not help. I had a “good aunt” who was very nice to me, but she did not interfere with my mother abusing me. Same with the neighbors who were kind to me, but stayed quiet when my mother was yelling at me for hours at a time.

So, yes, believable.

It is amazing how many people are not helped, so many that the professionals in the hospital are jaded, too tired to attend to you, exhausted by the sheer number of people that need help. Maybe some of them don’t care.

They at the hospital do the easiest and minimal, as in removing your dressing gown because of the ties. And giving you psychiatric drugs. These drugs are necessary sometimes, of course, but they are not enough. They do not heal, only make life more bearable at times, alleviating some symptoms.

You wrote: “I am beyond exhausted and beyond pain. I see nothing to keep going for”-

I remember when I felt so very hopeless. So deep in despair, in so much emotional pain. It felt to me like drowning or sinking into a bottomless hole, an abyss. I desperately needed help, any kind of help. I remember. Many times. I don’t sink that way anymore.

Over time I learned that the great majority of people will do nothing to help me, or will do very little, far from enough to really help me. I also learned that I needed so much help, that any help was too little, not enough.

There is so much pain of so many kinds and too few people not in pain, too few available and willing to help the many.

The voices you mentioned, the “bloody voices and noises”- can you tell more about those?

anita