Anita,

I tried several different tactics. When I was much younger, I would argue back with him and stand in the way if he tried to hit her, which in turn would result in me receiving the beating. My mother resented me for doing this, she often told me that my involvement made things infinitely worse between them. At other times, she would confide in me about the state of their relationship and I was expected to offer a solution (this started around the age of 7 and still continues more than 20 years on). I tried many times to ‘fix’ my father, and up until recently still believed that he could be fixed. I now realise that only he could make the active decision to change, nothing I can say or do will make a difference. I’ve tried to come to terms with the fact that people’s actions are about them, and not me. It’s difficult to keep perspective when you’re intimately involved with someone.

I realise a lot of my discomfort about the situation RE the man I was dating, is coming from a place of humiliation and shame. I feel horrified that I allowed myself to be so used and disrespected. However, I know where I need to go from here.

Thank you.