Hi,

I honestly can only guess at the reason(s) behind what you are describing.  I don’t personally know you or your mother and so have no way to look at all the variables of your situation.  There could be quite a few reasons why you are feeling the way you describe and why your mother is acting in the ways you describe.  From personality issues to some sort of backlash over a past occurrence, there is a lot to consider.

Most importantly though, I think that trying to understand how to better deal with the negative impact that the emotions you and she are feeling could possibly lead to a better outcome for your daughter’s future relationships with you, your mother and how she fits into you and your mother’s relationship.

In my opinion, it would seem the direct approach would really be the best way to go.  Have you ever come straight out and asked your mother about the things you discuss in your post?  Does she know the depth of your feelings of confusion and concern?  Maybe simply allowing her to read what you have written would be a good way to start.  It’s definitely cliche, but remember, communication is key.  I hope you are able to smooth things out with your family and that you, your mother and your daughter have a great relationship in the future.