I've realized my mother likes to push my buttons

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    Actually both of my parents, but mostly my mother.

    I am soon to be delivering a new life unto this world and my family is happy about it. My mom’s so happy she’s decided after I deliver she would give me a few gifts, one is a necklace of a little girl with pigtails from a very nice jewelry place. I thought it was nice and thanked her, but a couple of weeks later she says “I think I’m going to hold on to the gift”

    “Ok…what happened?”

    “I just want to hold on to it for a little longer. We’ll I think you’re old enough now to take care of it.”

    I went off…of course not disrespectfully. I asked her what makes her think like that, pointed out “I’m having a child soon and you think I’m not old enough?” and told her to keep the gift. I was totally turned off of it.

    Yeah I kind of over did it and I realized that, but I also realized that my mother does stuff like this to me allll of the time. She even did it with the other gift saying she would use it first and then give it to me. It’s a girdle better know as “waist-trainer” we’re two completely different sizes so it obviously wouldn’t fit her smh.

    When I was younger I would sit under the tree outside of her house and be there for hours. She would always ask “You love that tree, don’t you?” I always answered yes. It was just so welcoming and being in South Florida the shade was just right. She started to test me “I think I want to take the tree down” I asked her why she’d always wanted a big tree in front of her house that was like one of her main goals in house hunting.

    “I don’t know I just don’t want it there anymore all the birds and animals are too attracted to it” She love that fact when we first moved to the house though. From then on I just cut all bonds short with the tree and she never took it down. Still there to this day.

    With gifts, trips, surprises, etc. she’s always done that and it ticks me off so easily now-a-days. Like she likes taking away the things she know I cherish or eventually will. Why? What is wrong with her?

    Most importantly how can I figure out what this emotion or combination of emotions is to figure out how to get past this?

    I don’t want her ending up doing the same thing to my daughter too ?



    I honestly can only guess at the reason(s) behind what you are describing.  I don’t personally know you or your mother and so have no way to look at all the variables of your situation.  There could be quite a few reasons why you are feeling the way you describe and why your mother is acting in the ways you describe.  From personality issues to some sort of backlash over a past occurrence, there is a lot to consider.

    Most importantly though, I think that trying to understand how to better deal with the negative impact that the emotions you and she are feeling could possibly lead to a better outcome for your daughter’s future relationships with you, your mother and how she fits into you and your mother’s relationship.

    In my opinion, it would seem the direct approach would really be the best way to go.  Have you ever come straight out and asked your mother about the things you discuss in your post?  Does she know the depth of your feelings of confusion and concern?  Maybe simply allowing her to read what you have written would be a good way to start.  It’s definitely cliche, but remember, communication is key.  I hope you are able to smooth things out with your family and that you, your mother and your daughter have a great relationship in the future.





    Dear Day:

    I am glad you don’t want your mother to do the same to your own daughter.

    I didn’t understand her reasoning behind not giving you that necklace, you not being old enough.. what?

    Regarding the tree, interesting that you wrote: “When I was younger I would sit under the tree outside of her house… I asked her why she’d always wanted a big tree in front of her house…”-

    Not your house, your home, but hers.

    It may very well be that just like you wrote, she “likes to push (your) buttons”, in other words, she enjoys causing you pain.


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