Dear Denise:

You are welcome. Yes, you are beating yourself up, and hard. I can say: stop beating yourself up. I can say it any which way, but you are (as I have been) in the habit of doing so. A big part of you believes you deserve it, so you keep doing it.

I just wrote that I have been in that habit, and indeed I was, with years of healing, and months of being more attentive (mindful), I have made a lot of progress. The brain works better without that aggression. Living feels easier, better, more in my control.

Working in social care reads interesting to me. I think that if I was in your place, I will stay in the health care sector because I am interested in “psychology and human behavior”,  like you. Interestingly I used to be very interested in forensic human behavior as well. I read many, many true crime books.

Well, I hope you relax that panic over being 30. I do hope so, as it won’t help, just as self aggression doesn’t. As a matter of fact, the more you beat yourself up, the more you panic.

That very bullying you mentioned in high school caused you fear, I have no doubt. It affected your performance in school and then… you bullied yourself for suffering the consequences of having been bullied by others.

Where do we go from here (in our communication)? I am available and willing to continue.

anita