Dear Nick:

Welcome back to your thread. I will answer your questions, but with this note: I am not an expert on sexual abuse or sexual teasing. I am not a psychotherapist or a doctor of any kind or a professional of any kind. So keep that in mind.

You asked: “why do you feel the mind fixates on things?”- anxiety, that is ongoing, unsettled, unresolved fear is happening in part of your brain (I am simplifying here), let’s call it the-feeling-part of the brain. Another part of the brain, the thinking-part, is trying to settle the anxiety in the feeling-part. The way it tries to settle the anxiety is by locating a problem and solving that problem. So it finds a problem and tries to solve it. When it fails to solve the problem it located, in absence of locating another problem, it fixates on the one it has.

(I don’t see the fixation as a defense mechanism here but as the brain trying to solve a problem so to settle the anxiety).

“.. the body issues always bother me the most… Do you think talking to my family will help me out?”- no, I don’t. The family members who created your problem by teasing you are not the people to go to for a solution.

“Do you think that the incident with my mother is a symbol of sorts…”- I didn’t understand, a symbol of what? Maybe what she did bothers you more than what your father or sister did because she was/is your mother. A boy’s mother is more powerful in a boy’s life than a sibling, and in sexual issues, maybe more powerful than the father because she is female and you are male, and so it feels even more awkward to be teased by your mother than by your father.

“How common is to have the types of experiences I described?”- I think they are unfortunately common enough. Your parents, and sister, individually expressed an excitement that people commonly have about sex, curious and excited to see other people’s naked bodies, and to find out people’s sexual practices. It is that common excitement and curiosity people have about naked bodies and sex that fueled the teasing you described, I think.

“Would they be classified as sexual abuse or assault at all, or just teasing?”- In my view, what you described is sexual teasing. There were no sexual acts performed on you or such performed by you on family members. The teasing consisted of words said to you with a tone of voice and facial expressions indicating that common sexual excitement people have about sex. And so I won’t call it sexual abuse. I would call it sexual teasing that harmed you.

“Will it be possible to forgive, forget and move on?”- it will help with those things if you moved away from all the people who teased you. When you see the same people who teased you as often as you do, the sight of them, the sound of their voices and various things about them remind you of the teasing. If you don’t see them, don’t hear them, it will be easier to not remember as often as you do.

anita