Home→Forums→Relationships→Avoidants and Awareness→Reply To: Avoidants and Awareness
Dear Craig:
You are welcome. Regarding her fear being “of getting close to (you), because then she might bet hurt”- probably, but then, who is not afraid to get close to or too close to another and then get hurt? Isn’t everyone to one degree or another?
This is what I think is particular to this woman: I think she has very little insight about her own feelings. There is a disconnect between what she feels and the message in what she feels. She feels something and gets confused.
In her recent interaction with you, she might have felt/ thought something like this: feeling distant, angry, uncomfortable, wanting again to end the relationship. She thinks: I don’t know what to do. She then thinks: I will tell him that I am ending the relationship. If he cancels the tickets by tomorrow, then I will know that breaking up was the right thing to do.
Then she checks and finds out that you cancelled the tickets and she feels relief: I did the right thing! Yes!
Later she may doubt herself again because she lacks insight or understanding about herself, you and the relationship. And she may resort to looking for another sign about what she should do, maybe sending you more messages and in one of them there will be another “joke”. If you get him it will be a sign that the relationship is meant to be. If you don’t get it, well, it will be a sign that the relationship is not meant to be.
Is this congruent with her thinking about other issues in her life, not being sure of what to do, doubting herself, being lost in not-knowing?
anita