I am on the other end of this story. I have just come out of a long term relationship where I was the avoidant one. I didn’t realise that because I was so out of touch with myself I could not find a point of connection with my partner. Unfortunately because I didn’t understand myself I could not find a solution. I kept over thinking the relationship and looking at him for clues as to why the relationship was struggling. I was looking at him as being the problematic one in the relationship and also looking at the context of our relationship rather than at myself. I have now realised that I have most likely lost someone I truly loved but unfortunately those feelings were buried under layers of unnecessary thinking and doubt. I didn’t realise that I had a lot of fear and hurting that stopped me from being in touch with myself and as a result in touch with my partner. The tragic irony is that in the process of breaking up those feelings came up so clearly and I feel as though I had some kind of spiritual awakening. I am now struggling with the feeling that I need to forgive myself and learn to love myself and on the other hand feeling a sense of loss that is actually overwhelming.