Dear Zoe:

You wrote: “I had always lived in my mind, but the problem is the mind cannot love, it can only over-analyse and over=think when it comes to the heart”- what a refreshing way of articulating.

Then you wrote that as a child you were “always being forced to stick up for myself and defend myself against constant criticism”-

when under criticism, as a child, the heart is fearful and hurt and maybe angry on top of the fear. Fear and anger do not allow the tenderness in the emotion of love. And so, I understand your habit of over-thinking through adulthood.

How to forgive yourself? The answer is in love, empathy, that is, for yourself, for the child that you were under that constant criticism. Then through a healing process, or a spiritual awakening (the term you used), you earn forgiving yourself for being less than a loving girlfriend to your ex boyfriend.

Also helpful in self forgiveness perhaps is knowing that he was not perfect either, that he too was less than loving at times.

anita