Thank you Mark and Anita. I really appreciate your replies.

Anita, I just kept falling deeper into the pit. I kept going back to the forum reading up comments and internalizing them. Half of them began to support while the other half did not. I was screaming on the inside stop stop. It has been 4 years and people who read it have and those sensitive would be affected, offended. I feel bad that I could not shut it down. I went through a year of triggers when people spoke about such topics. I still do. I left groups on what’s app etc. Obsessive thoughts that I could make such a huge mistake is getting hard. I have been slightly melancholic all my life and after this incident I feel like I am just existing, like a zombie.