VJ,

The actual trouble is too many things.

I feel that I have to go apologise to all the people on the internet which I know is not possible.

They thought I am an elderly person and it hurts me to think I came across so manipulative. I must ve definitely manipulated my own mind. I wish I could clarify then but i froze. And now my own beliefs have changed, so I feel like I am a hypocrite. Not being able to come out of the closet and tell them that I was so and so and I am sorry. I am a pretty outgoing person and hiding this way is not making sense. I wish I could take away the hurt I caused people i.e if they took offense. Maybe all my beliefs were wrong maybe ( though people say I had the right to state my opinion), I don’t understand why this incident had to go so horribly wrong. It’s very psychological. I have to give myself the permission to be happy, move on and find a sense of self so that I don’t feel awful for every post I make though people may disagree with it. I have to get rid of extreme sensitivity. I have to learn to do away with fight/flight/freeze.

I am practicing ho’oponopono, on and off and meditations. I have wheezing, migraines and some sort chronic pain on the left side of the body. I am taking alternate medicine. I have seen a counselor. I have to get back to a job but focus is not happening. And I lost my dad last year. Just too many things stressing me out at once. I am not giving up though. Thanks so much vj.