Anita,

Thank you for the encouragement. Yes that is the next step. To pause and not say anything because sometimes saying it almost starts the loop of anxiety again, rather, than letting go.

I have therapy on Monday and will be bringing this very theme to the session. I even thought about printing one or two of your recent posts off and highlighting parts.

It’s funny, because reading you say ‘Formal education has, in reality, value.’ I can literally feel my body heat as I read/type that. It’s like a fear, I really can’t explain. Anxiety latches on to that like a ‘oh no, she thinks the relationship won’t work’ or ‘oh no maybe I value this and need to consider it in the greater context of my relationship.’ I think the key here for me is explore how I can maintain my individual values and goals as a member of a relationship, rather than expecting my relationship to provide me with 100% of my needs.

I used to cringe, but it feels somewhat freeing to write and not change or correct. JUST WRITE! The message is what is important. I had this issue when he gave me a card for my anniversary, and when I originally moved here. He made two little mistakes in both cards, and my anxiety flared, until I could soften and read WHAT he was saying and really feel loved. I do feel like maybe I care too much what others think – it’s almost the perfecctionist trap again. If we are both Doctors, Psychologists, Lawyers etc then we LOOK amazing and ARE amazing. But, he is happy with his role in his family food business. He is happy learning English at his pace. That’s the key, he is happy and can find beauty in the little things.

Ive also noticed I do it with a lot of people – recently looking around the office I can’t help but think HOW they managed. They say the most bizarre things and have the most banal conversations. I really know that this is in my head and now that you’ve helped me name it ‘core belief’ I really do feel I can work with this fear and anxiety, and hopefully whatever the outcome, it is made with peace and love.