Hello again,

Yes and the sad thing is – it just creastes nerves and perfectionism in kids. When really everyone makes mistakes.

So I understand a lot but don’t. And being in the relationship has helped me remember.

It is curious you mention that, because I often feel very calm when my partner caresses my face. We tend to always hold hands as we watch tv, but also as we go to fall asleep. And I ALWAYS feel calm and safe as we do it.

So maybe the safety thing is education because it was always a way for me to be stable and safe. So when I worry about the future and whether I am good enought to continue my studies here rather than in English, I think that studying will make me safe because my fear stems from uncertainity and studying/exams always lead to a grade defining where I am at. Maybe I project onto my partner this fear too:

For example, I am worried about the future, buying a house, children etc so think AH I NEED TO DO MY MASTERS TO MAKE SURE I GET MONEY. Then I panic, and think, YOU NEED TO STUDY NOW BECAUSE YOU ‘ONLY’ RUN THE LITTLE FOOD STORE AND IF YOU ARE INJURED OR AS YOU GET OLDER THAT MAY NOT BE POSSIBLE AND WHAT WILL WE DO, i.e. how will we be safe? So that’s why I fear misspelling, or potential differences in intellect because I fear that it is confirming my fear, rather than soothing it. It’s like I am sel-fulling my own fears.

The only thing we can be sure of is the present. Everything else we will find a way. I do notice that when I help my partner with his English I would get extremely frustrated if he didnt get the answer instantly. Now I try a softer approach.

The mind has strange ways…..