Dear Stuart:

You read to me like a decent person. I say so because you take responsibility (although way more than you own), not blaming her, suggesting she is evil (as some people do following breakups). You were not abusive to her and passive aggressive behaviors as in “blaming her for small things”  is understandable in the context of the relationship. Your anger had to be expressed somehow- you are human, not a saint.

Not that I suggest that acting passive aggressively is a good thing in a relationship. It is not, but no one can be passive all the time. We all feel angry sometimes, impossible not to. Without honest, effective communication, and without moving out… your anger understandably expressed itself somehow.

Reads to me that she was a troubled woman and maybe she expected you to fix her and got angry at you when you were unable to do so (an impossible aim).

Glad your health is okay now. I do hope you meet in the future, when you are ready, a woman who… doesn’t need that much fixing, a woman who takes responsibility for her mental health and who tries to help you as much as you try to help her, that is be a team with you, at team of two.

And I hope that in counseling, you will do your part in operating like a team- learn to behave assertively (the only healthy way to express anger, a necessary skill for a healthy, loving relationship).

anita