anita,

i would like to talk about: poison.

the influence of my parents, their voices in my head – poison. i’ve been drinking poison for almost 26 years now – and i finally have reached a point where i can maybe sip it, but not take a full gulp.

this past saturday, my dad texted me asking to call. i was not going to, but…oh i got pulled in. i felt uneasy not calling. he wanted to talk to me regarding some tax forms he needed. then my mother took the phone before i could hang up.

i was unable to recover from the poison for …hours. talking to them for those 5 minutes..showed me HOW MUCH they influence the negativity on me. i knew this, but i saw it for real in front of my eyes. it took me a while to get out of the funk. i kept repeating the things i had realized in that post i wrote. i had to keep repeating it. i even said it out loud to my self in my living room. the good thing is that i knew it was a false feeling and that i could get out of it. just sucked (for a lack of a better word) to go through it.

Did i tell you about how my mother did not come to the hospital when i was in a car accident? only my father did. and he rushed there. like a parent should.

i want to write more but it is making my feel overwhelmed. will continue soon.