Dear Lucas:

My comments on your story:

1. A gender mistake here that you might want to correct: “My coat hangs post my arms… wearing his dad’s jacket”- you mean her mother’s (clothing), right?

2. I didn’t understand the shower scene, the purpose of the freezing water. Maybe other people won’t understand it either, you might want to add something to explain it or eliminate that paragraph.

3. Regarding numbers, I would limit the obsession and compulsion regarding numbers to calories and weight, but not mention number of clients at work etc., it takes away from the affect of the focus a person with an eating disorder has specifically on calories and on body weight.

4. I recommend you keep your style of writing simple. Your paragraph starting with “I don’t think most people” is an excellent paragraph, for its simplicity and authenticity. It reads … real and authentic. On the other hand the shower scene, other than the issue of my misunderstanding of the content, reads too flowery to feel real, to me. Also the two liner paragraph starting with “I saunder to the porcelain throne” reads too flowery to me and I didn’t get that either.

This part: “The number cuts deep, deeper…” is excellent. The added expressions, the symbolism of the knife adds well to the affect you aimed at, I think.

anita