Hello, Anita. Thank you very much for your constructive feedback. I would just like to clarify a few things: the shower scene doesn’t hold any relevance in particular, except for the fact that it’s a daily ritual that people typically do: use the bathroom, shower, step on the scale, etc..

The idea of the cold water being a Pentecostal fire was supposed to establish a somewhat religious theme to the text, as the Pentecost in the Bible is the showering down of the Holy Spirit. Just as the Pentecostal fire lead to a feeling of renewal and refreshment, so too, does the act of taking a shower.

As far as the numbers that she mentions. I am using the art of show, don’t tell, which is that I want the reader to ascertain from the paragraph that the author works in some kind of field involving numbers, but whether she is an accountant or anything else is not mentioned. So numbers play a big role in her life, but the most important numbers for her are the ones in food.

I hope that clears up any confusion. I appreciate the feedback. If it still doesn’t seem to fit, then I may just remove it entirely.