Dear Anita

No. If someone imagines something happening then its only in the head, it’s a dream so to speak and yes I’ve had thoughts and feelings about things or people and yes I’ve felt guilty and bad for a while because of what my head has thought up, but I know with myself that’s all those things as thoughts.

I think I understand what you mean. Because of the nature of the incident I feel it’s much worse than the other mistakes I’ve made in life.

Y’know typing all this out and making a confession has I’ve worded it is my first step to recovery, I have been talking to someone about this about my feelings of guilt and shame for the things I’ve done throughout my childhood and teenage years.

I do find this all very difficult to type out and reveal to the internet.

There are lots of things that happened in my life. I also have bad feelings and feel dirty and disgusting at some of the things that have happened to me through my life. Although I think I may address these things in other posts and keep one post to the subject matter so it doesn’t become one huge mess of confusion.

I wish I could take all the things I have done to others back, I do want to move on and heal myself from all of this so I can live a peaceful life and somewhat happy. I understand there are many things I have to deal with and process to get a better understanding of the situations and myself, I just don’t know how to do that and I don’t really know where to start. Right now I’m thinking this is some sort of spiritual journey that I have to get through, I just need the door or the path in-front of me in order to do it.