Dear Anon:

I too have done things I regret, and if I could go back in time, I would and undo those things. I would make great efforts to go back in time so to undo, so to correct my past behaviors. I apologized to a few individuals and made amends, significant financial amends, but it didn’t help me to forgive myself. I still believe making amends when damage was likely or certainly took place, is necessary. The way I finally was able to forgive myself was one and one only: my  healing process. It is that process that earned me my self forgiveness.

Back to the specific topic of your thread, that incidence: if you believe that you are not guilty for thinking, imagining and feeling, for what is not actualized in behavior, for what exists only in your head (I believe so, definitely), then what if you do the following exercise, when you are calm and ready: peel off the thoughts, imagining, feelings you had and see only your behavior that night, only what you did (again, without the commentary of feelings and urges). You may have a different view of that night.

After all, it is only what you did (not what you thoughts or felt) that could have affected the little girl.

If you do this exercise, let me know how it goes, if you’d like.

anita