Dear Anita.

I tried what you suggested but I didn’t really feel any different about it. I still feel like a monster because of it. When I was in bed last night I imagined a camera in the room and as if I was watching through a camera. All I did was like go through the steps “walk into the room” etc etc. I didn’t like speak to myself or anything like this I just went through the steps and like I said I didn’t really feel any different about it.

I had to go to my usual method to calm me down and y’know use the question I ask myself to bring me down. Although I think part of the problem is I feel as if I don’t deserve forgiveness even though from a logical standpoint what I done was really weird and inappropriate but as I said nobody was hurt and like you said probably no damage was done. Even knowing this from a logical stand point I still feel horrible and I think I know why. I think it’s simply because how young the person is that was involved in this incident.

I’m very aware that things won’t change overnight,  maybe not even anytime soon. but regardless I don’t feel as bad right now as I did over the passed few days I’m not sure if that’s because I’ve accepted what happened as a really messed up situation I got myself into, accepted I was just young teenager who made a horrible mistake. I also think writing all of this out helped a little as well.

I do have moments throughout the day that I’m feeling really bad because of this, I mean worse than I usually feel about it just an overwhelming feeling of dread is the best way to describe it.

As a final note I’m not sure if I done your exercise correctly though and I was thinking I may not be ready for that exercise but I don’t know.

All I can do right now is write down my thoughts and feelings about the situation.

Thank you Anita, I hope to hear from you soon.

Thanks to anyone else who reads, hope someone takes something from it.