Dear Anon:

I just learned myself that your other thread was reported for inappropriate content and will not accept further posts, for that reason. I understand why a lot of people would feel distress about the topic, after all, you do. I do too. The thought of it, is indeed distressing and the reality of such things happening, such abuse perpetrated upon children is dreadful. This is why following your posting here on the website, if this issue continues to trouble you, best you see a quality psychotherapist, one trained to handle such an issue.

The exercise I suggested was aimed for you to separate what went on in your head that night, what was not expressed in your behavior, from what was expressed. Often we confuse the two.

There is not much more I can suggest on the matter, other than to see a psychotherapist. I feel uncomfortable, as a matter of fact, to continue discussing this. Knowing I am not likely to make a long term difference for you on the matter, not likely to resolve your distress beyond momentary relief, at best, makes my distress a losing proposition for me, that is, something I suffer while not benefiting anyone.

If you  would like to discuss other of the mistakes you mentioned, non sexual ones, please do and I will respond to those.

anita