I agree. The whole thing was intoxicating, I was pretty much in that constant state of excitement for over a year. I have endlessly daydreamed about all the ways I could be in his life, from being friends with the wife or even the daughter. It does seem extremely odd now. However when I learned he could not have female friends, the attraction to him as a partner grew to be very intense. Luckily though I have reminded myself that I would not want him to leave his family. I know logically I do not need his approval or admiration to live my life but it seems impossible to get to the other side.