Dear joanna:

I wish your mother moved out again so you can live in the flat by yourself. Too bad it is in the city and there is too much noise, which you mentioned. I wonder about your house, the one where your estranged grandparents are living in, if it is in a quiet area and if there is a way for you to live there before your grandparents die.

Regarding what I described to you in the last post, it was a few times only, in my life. I felt an overwhelming emotional pain that was difficult to keep inside. I felt angry too, that no one was helping me with that pain. I don’t remember if someone was watching me, because if there was, then the act was to … show that person that I was indeed hurting. And so, I moved that emotional pain from its invisible place to being visible. As if saying to the observer:  you don’t see how much pain I am in. Now, do you see it? Do something about it!

Regarding the man: reads like he is conflicted. Maybe feeling guilt, like you suggested. Maybe. You wrote that you “lost a distance and clear mind” as a result of the recent interactions with him. How do you feel today/ as you are reading my post?

anita