Dear Abbey,

Thank you for the kind words, that means a lot when someone says it and also knows what I feel.

Dear Anita,

What you wrote opened my eyes a lot. Thank you for that. I indeed don’t think he is a bad person.  I mean I *know* it because I know the social standards for treating people, what’s good and what’s bad but I don’t blame him for treating me that way, and I indeed encourage him to hurt me. Even though I sometimes let him know he hurts me, but then I show him that it’s perfectly fine and I allow to do it again, because.. it’s not like I think I deserve it, it’s more like: it’s fine, you hurt me, I hurt myself too, I hate myself for self harming and it hurts when I do it myself too but I HAVE TO do it and it gives me relief because I need to punish myself constantly. So with pleasure and relief I accept the fact that you support me with all this (self)harming, and I encourage you to do this because I need this. I can’t live without it.