Dear Anita

She’s a friend, we’re close and she knows about my issues, but not about him. What you told me “I cannot provide you with the relief you need so  desperately” – well it’s not completely true. I remember first time I had a panic attack months ago, when I first started writing here, I told you “I feel like I am in a trap” (because of this job I accepted which was a bad idea, and other things) you told me “You are not in a trap. there may be consequences to leave but no one will put you behind bars. You are not in a trap”.  I think about this statement very often. This gave me some relief at that time, and helps me sometimes a bit. A bit is a lot, it’s something.

His name is Tom. Okay, I guess I needed to be told that this cant be changed and maybe it isn’t only my fault that we had this kind of relation. I used to analyze every moment together to see when and what did I do that he started treating me that way. Perhaps I did a lot but I guess he wanted this very much too.

Dear Bill

Thank you for saying I am a good person. Thanks for saying this “Would you talk to anyone else the way you talk to yourself? Think about that for a moment. All the good you see in others is in you too.” That’s very kind and accurate, so simple yet so smart. Thank you for this. The pain so overwhelming sometimes it feels never-ending and like a trap, but those simple words give a bit of hope. I wish you to more and more success at overcoming your anxiety and self esteem issues. Being here and working on yourself is very important. Yes that’s true, Anita is a friend, an ally, although those words don’t even describe how much safer I feel when I know she is somewhere and cares.