Dear joanna:

I hope you rest. You can re-read any part of our communication after you rest, when you can handle it, and read only as far as you are okay with reading, take breaks. Come back to it later, take all the time you need.

You wrote about those thoughts blaming you, “Like a crowd of people pointing out at me 24/7 and blaming me, reminding me of every moment I did wrong, shouting at me… those voices, this guilt. Do you understand? I can block him but I’m scared of my reaction”-

Yes, I understand. I hear them too, every day. Only I have made much progress noticing them early then disengaging. I am way more mindful and pay attention that indeed my actions are not harmful to others. More progress to be done, still in the process of healing and learning. Always will be.

I too was exhausted, a whole lot. It is exhausting to live with that crowd you mentioned.

I understand you not blocking him. My purpose of my posts to you yesterday was not that you block him. I didn’t even think of it as something you might do and I didn’t expect any behavior on your part following my posts.  No such motivation on my part.

We need love and when we don’t have it, we imagine it is there anyway. Someway, somehow. We look for evidence to support it and find lots of… non-evidence. We make believe.

anita