Dear joanna:

Thank you (last paragraph). I am not and was  not stronger than you. The healing  process is available to  you and to me, it is about taking  it on. When you do, and  when you persist through the distress, then you earn the  benefits. It takes so long though, it  is excruciating sometimes. But then, life before was plenty excruciating, for me.

Regarding  the thoughts (your earlier post), the thoughts that  torment you so, the thoughts you wrote in earlier posts that won’t let you live, yes, they do appear less and less, but the  thing is, concept of time: it is such a slow process that the  expectation has  to  be realistic. You have to focus on practice regardless of how you feel, even though you don’t feel better. It takes  years  of practice.

Regarding what my  mother blamed me for, I shared earlier with  you that she blamed me for intending to hurt her, to hurt her  feelings, to humiliate  and  ridicule her. She  blamed me for thinking/feeling/doing wrong, for my face having the  wrong  expression, for “being a big zero”.

anita