Dear  Jen:

The way  I see  it is  the following: this man has a core belief that he is a bad  person and that as a bad person “he was always  going to disappoint (anyone) and that he only had pain to offer.” This is why he expressed to you earlier that he hates himself, he hates the bad person he believes he  is.

This core belief existed before he met you. At one point he stopped taking Zoloft, for the purpose of attending the ceremony you mentioned. That and the ceremony itself was a sort of an awakening for him, an awakening of emotions otherwise numb. Shortly after the ceremony, still off Zoloft, he told you that you “shouldn’t be afraid of falling in love and that there  was nothing wrong with that”-

Well, his statement was based on that temporary Zoloft-free, ceremony-inspired experience and he  couldn’t maintain it. It couldn’t have been maintained. Even with intense therapy, there wasn’t enough time for him to be able to translate his intent and sentiment into ongoing behavior.

Hating himself, believing he is harmful, no wonder he wants  to be alone, so to not harm. He calls you to ask how you are doing… somehow he is not completely convinced that he is a bad person, at least not from a distance. He needs this distance so to… protect you from him, is one element in this.

I am glad you are  back to your thread with your update and any future posts.

anita