Dear Hara,

You probably have dealt with this, but it sounds like you’re in love with the idea of love itself. Take this from a notorious romantic. You keep following Hollywood’s idea that being with a person is the only way to achieve happiness, and that’s not true. Being happy has to come from within yourself. We’re both strangers, but I already like you as a person because you’re passionate about what you want. I know what it’s like to go through unrequited love. At first, you think that it’s no big deal, since someone will love you for who you are. If you’re me, you’re probably chasing after people who don’t want you and/or are unavailable to you due to distance.

Maybe you don’t have to be finished with finding love. There’s always familial love, platonic love, love for a hobby. Love comes in many shapes and sizes. You think you have bad luck with not having a boyfriend? Honey, I’m the queen of unrequited love. I’ve had guys tell me they don’t like me back, I’ve had crushes on 2 men who lived far away from me (far away meaning another country), and I even fell for a player back in high school. You see? You’re not the only one who struggles to get romantic love. But if we all stopped treated Romantic Love as an ideal, then our lives would be so stressed free. One of my sisters has been in many relationships, and she’s almost 30! But that’s another story for another time.

The problem is that you kept listening to media saying that you’re not complete without being in a relationship. Nowadays, there are more benefits to being single. You have time for your thoughts, interests, ideals, basically, the whole world at your hands. You also mentioned something about being a caretaker to these men. If they’re grown-ass men, they can take care of theirselves because you are not their freaking mother. I’m not being mean; just giving you some tough love.

It’s like one of the people who replied said: Love yourself. Lulu said that. I just checked her name. Please take care of yourself. You have the autonomy to live an authentic life!