Hi tori,

I really feel your pain. What a terrible situation.

I’m not familiar with the term “stonewalling” so I looked it up and read that it happens in a relationship when one refuses to communicate, and it’s used as a defense mechanism to preserve one’s self and emotions. I agree that the way he broke up with you  the first time was beyond lame and very unfair to you, and I guess it could be considered stonewalling. The second breakup seems different to me, though. Reads to me that the love he has for his daughter is strong and that he’s decided to do whatever he needs to to be with his daughter. I don’t understand when you say that the mother of his daughter put a restraining order on him and kept him out of his own house — had they been living together, and does this woman and their daughter currently  live in a house that he owns? And when he packed up and left to be with this woman, is he now living with them in his own house? It seems to me that this woman had a plan: to break the two of you up so that he’ll be with her and their daughter. She used the deep love that this man has for his daughter to get him to leave you; she wouldn’t let him see his daughter unless he came back to her. What a snake.

I would cut him some slack for this second breakup. I think his actions are being driven by the love for his daughter, and breaking up with you seems to be the only way the mother of his daughter will allow him to be with his daughter. I think that you are right that he’ll back for you. But my advice is to forgive him for his behavior and then move on without him, as difficult as it will be.

B