Eve,

You are hurting.  You are grieving.  You are missing the person that did not have the messy and button pushing and annoying characteristics that you did not like when you lived with him.  It is easy to idealize someone when you don’t have to see him everyday under the same roof.

I would think since you two cannot actually be together physically then the “what if?” is academic.  Look to make yourself happy and grow from the experience where you are now.  Figure out what was your part in the reason why you two broke up.  Figure out what things that did not make it work with him.  Grow from that.

Mark