Hi dreaming715,

I really admire you. You have alot more emotional maturity and stability then I did at your age. I was alot like your boyfriend. In my early 30’s, I really was not too sure what it really was I wanted. On one hand, I wanted love, being in love, the giddyness. Like you, my friends had pretty much settled down, had kids, husband, houses, etc..while I had a few friends who like me still were into the club scene, dating, going to concerts, comedy clubs, internet dating, beach bonfire parties, staying out till the bars closed then going to a diner afterwards for breakfast and staying there till 4am.

I had been engaged to my first love when I was only 19. We moved in together after only six months together, deeply in love. At 19, way too soon. Had no idea what I wanted. After I moved in with him..it seemed we became “roommates” gone were the cute and romantic things he did for me. Gone were the roses he always sent to me, the “surprise” weekend getaways” everything. He just changed into someone I did not know. After I moved in, I guess he knew he “had me” and so why did he have to put in any effort anymore? But Again, I was too emotionally immature, wanting to party, do the club scene, beach parties, community college parties, etc. He was the one wanting to settle down. Because he stopped putting effort in, I would play “games” and try to “win” his attention by making him jealous, as he was a very jealous person..little did I know at my age it was a toxic relationship. He also cheated on me, yet I forgave him. I would ask him to join my friends and I, but he declined. He would then make plans with his friends, and never include me. We were basically roommates. The same thing happened when I moved in with a man I was very much in love with. Six or seven month into the relationship He asked me to move in. I did, and I made the same mistake I did when I was 19. Moved in with a man without having a wedding ring on my finger. Him saying, he wanted to just live together, see how it worked it, and that someday, he saw a bright future with me. Again, the roses stopped, the cute, romantic cards stopped, being taken out for romantic dinners, being cooked for, or having candlelit dinners together. After I loved in, he would work very long hours at the office. I would cook us dinner, and sit and watch the food getting cold, the bottle of wine in the ice bucket getting warm, the candles dripping wax. At 10:30pm. I called him at work. Said he was “just finishing up”..I just said thanks, your dinner is on table and hang up on him. Then go to bed and pretend I was asleep when he got home. So, the reason I shared all of this with you, is that research has shown that couples who move in together before marriage have a higher separation and divorce rate, than couples who wait until they are married before moving in together.

From the sound of your post, him going out to festivals, etc with his friends and not including you, and giving you a vague “wait and see” usually does not work. I have been there. I would give it a time limit, or he will settle in with “living with girlfriend with benefits”. You will be waiting and waiting for a ring, which may never come. If no ring within a year, talk to him, and tell him it is time to deepen the commitment, you did not move in to be his roommate. Don’t play the “waiting” game, as you will grow more and more frustrated and resentful. I hope it all works out. x