Dear jane:

Perhaps I did go through something similar. I will share in summary what I think is similar, and you can let me know if it is indeed similar or may be similar to your experience:

I used to think that there must have been something horrible, some horrible event in my childhood that is responsible and will explain the magnitude of my lifetime suffering and dysfunction in life. I thought there must have been sexual abuse, incest that I repressed and forgot, but is keep affecting me. I kept looking for something big to explain my condition and situation in life.

What I found out that something big did indeed happen, only it was not a one time event, nor was it incest. It was day after day of significant to severe emotional abuse by my mother, with no correction, with no one to help me.

People separate mental/ emotional from physical as if there is anything at all that we experience that is not physical. Our thoughts and emotions are physical, happening in the brain which is a physical organ and in the body, which is physical. Emotional experiences are very powerful.

And so, I was looking for a Big Event, or a Big-Item Event, such as incest. But the ongoing years of emotional abuse were big enough to explain the magnitude of my suffering and dysfunction in life.

anita