it is almost always the case that whatever has wounded you will also be instrumental in your healing.” ― Robert A. Johnson

It is not possible to communicate our experiences to others or think about our experiences, feelings, thoughts without using the word ‘I’. The word ‘I’ is a construct of language which we tend to mistake the Self for.  We mistake the word for the object, the map for the territory.  You may have at times acted selfishly, felt selfish, judge yourself selfish however the Self is not memory, experience, emotion…

A step forward then is to let go of the attachments you have to your self judgments, labels and fear of “I”. In that regards I recommend Shadow work. The following books might be a good guide.

Shadow Dance: Liberating the Power & Creativity of Your Dark Side –  David Richo

Owning Your Own Shadow: Understanding the Dark Side of the Psyche – Robert A. Johnson

Our “shadow” is the collection of negative or undesirable traits we keep hidden—the things we don’t like about ourselves or are afraid to admit: egotist, non-“PC” proclivities, forbidden sexual desires. But it also includes our positive, untapped potential—qualities we may admire in others but disavow in ourselves. Befriending the shadow makes fear an ally and enables us to live more authentically.

“When we find ourselves in a depression, suddenly hate our spouse, our jobs, our lives – we can be sure that the unlived life is seeking our attention. When we feel restless, bored, or empty despite an outer life filled with riches, the unlived life is asking for us to engage. To not do this work will leave us depleted and despondent, with a nagging sense of ennui or failure. As you may have already discovered, doing or acquiring more does not quell your unease or dissatisfaction. Neither will “meditating on the light” or attempting to rise above the sufferings of earthly existence. Only awareness of your shadow qualities can help you to find an appropriate place for your unredeemed darkness and thereby create a more satisfying experience. To not do this work is to remain trapped in the loneliness, anxiety, and dualistic limits of the ego instead of awakening to your higher calling.”  ― Robert A. Johnson