Dear anon11:

This may very well not be his final decision. Space might be just what he needs.

Here is what I think may help you in your aim of getting back together: when you do have contact with him, the very next time, take responsibility for the mean things you said to him.

You told him that you didn’t mean them, and this is what people often say after saying the mean things. Problem with this claim is that it is not taking responsibility. I will explain:

when you said mean things to him, your intent was to hurt his feelings. Even if you made things up, let’s say you told him that he is lazy, knowing very well that he is hard working, your intent was still, to hurt his feelings, to make him feel bad.

Apologize sincerely to him for intending and attempting (successfully) to hurt his feelings. Let him know that in the future (if you can keep your word on the matter), when you feel anger at him, you will not express your anger this way, but instead in a fair way (assertively, not aggressively).

If he said mean things to you, I hope he apologizes too. Maybe not at the same time you do, but later.

If you can convince him gently that he is safe with you, safe from fighting, safe from aggression, that is likely to motivate him to be with you again.

If this takes place, you owe him to be trustworthy, to keep your word, to really, in words and actions, be assertive with him but never aggressive. Never again. Do you think it is possible for you?

anita