Hey Leocube!

Can’t tell you how many times people have told me the exact same words. And often they were the ones who made the mistakes and instead of taking responsibility for it, they would tell me to move on and that people go through worse than this so its ok. One thing I have learned from this is that you should never justify smaller mistakes by comparing them with bigger sins. Its not ok. Most of the people like to reminisce about their childhood but I am so glad that its over.

Thing is we can either deal with the problem or get over it. Maybe, after brooding over it for years we do “move on”. We cease to suffer but by then these experiences have already changed us. Right now, I am at peace with my past and it doesn’t bother me much. Guess now we can say that its “logical” to move on lol. I have heard about this therapy called “inner child work”. Basically, what you do is, zone out and envision your kid self in a traumatic/sad memory. You go up to the kid, say words of wisdom and give it a hug. Tbh, all this is absurd in my opinion. Firstly, there is no way I can relate to those feelings of sadness anymore. I pretend to have the conversion with this kid but deep down I know that its not real.

Yes, I have tried meditation before but its always been on and off. I haven’t been able to make it a habit…yet :). I’ll try to explain my very odd way of doing it, hopefully you’ll get it xD. I think of a ladder which leads to a dimly lit tunnel engraved with random pictures. After some walking, during which I relax my body as much as I can, I find myself standing in a great hall. There are many different versions of me there. Are you familiar with the concept of fragmentation? Its kinda like that. Each trait or feeling is exaggerated a thousand times and is represented by a person. And I just try to converse with them but it always ends up in an argument…so its always chaotic.

What I have gathered from these “sessions” is that some of the voices aren’t even mine. I can pin point them to the people in real life whom I got them from. They told me this negative stuff so many times that I started telling myself the same thing. Anyhow, I’ll try your method of rearranging memories next time. It may give me some insight.