Hi Masha,

It looks like you have gotten some great advice. However, being someone who too suffers from abandonment issues from a very traumatic and neglectful childhood (which took years of Psychotherapy to overcome), it sounds as if your girlfriend has issues from perhaps a traumatic past. Perhaps a parental authority figure from her childhood left her, and unfortunately, if unresolved, this will follow us into our future relationships in adulthood..creating a cycle of co-dependency, constant fear, anxiety, anger, lashing out when left alone etc.

Unless one enters Psychotherapy to get fears of abandonment resolved, any relationship, will suffer. As the abandonment will manifest from the unmet needs of the parental figure on to you. Your girlfriend getting angry and saying you are “putting her second” is coming from fear she most likely had as neglect or trauma from a dysfunctional past, and this can only be resolved with therapy. She “clings” to you in a desperate fashion as not to be left, and you can’t fix her. There is nothing your mother is doing is wrong. Our parents took care of us when raising us, so it is our turn to take care of them when they become sick. When your girlfriend has constant fear and anxiety, she can’t have goals or dreams unless she enters quality Therapy..to get issues resolved. There is a great book called “I love you, don’t leave me” it is a great book for loved ones with abandonment, co-dependent issues as well as the person who suffer from this. My therapist have me this book to read when I was in therapy, and when I find myself falling into my old patterns, I read the book and workbook that comes with it. There is also a great book called “Co-dependent no more” by Melody Beattie. I hope things get better with your mom.

• This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by Eliana.