Hi Dreaming,

I can relate to this completely, on both sides of the fence, being the initiator and the non-initiator.

For the people I truly, really care about, I get a lot of happiness in letting them know I’m thinking of them, without a thought as to whether they will initiate any contact, or have, or whether I have done it 5,000 times.  I try to remember birthdays, but don’t always.  I try to throw out a hello – by text, email, funny card –  if it’s been awhile since we’ve talked, because I want them to know I’m thinking of them.  Or if I see something that makes me think of them, I will snap a picture and send it to them.  I don’t think it’s the who did what as much as the message you are trying to convey.

We live in a time with so many ways available to connect with people.  I personally do not like the phone.  The connection is often marginal at best, and cuts out at sometimes the most critical time.  I find myself saying – alot –  “could you say that again?” “What did you say?”  “I thought you said….”.  I will chat for a few minutes, but would much prefer text, email or even getting together.  I love a good chat with a friend over a cup of coffee, but an hour is plenty for me.  People do have busy lives.  That doesn’t mean they can’t find 5 minutes to call or connect – but that is by your guidebook, not theirs.

If it helps you feel better, I can count on one hand the number of times my dad and sister have contacted me in any way shape or form in the past 5 years!  It’s irritating, for sure, but I do accept that this is how they are – it’s nothing personal toward me.  They are like this with everyone!

If you are sensing people are avoiding initiating contact with only you, then that is something to reflect on and consider why, and what you can do to change that.  If you are sensing they do not initiate contact with anyone, then that is something that is part of who they are, and you can reflect on ways to accept that characteristic about them.

You say you are afraid to ask them to schedule an initiated phone call because you feel like a burden and you fear they will revert back to their old ways.  I think you are accurate in how that would play out.  Imagine if someone said to you that they thought you were initiating too much contact, that they would prefer you only contact them once every six months – it might go against your natural instinct, and that would be hard to change.  It is the same concept for people who don’t initiate…it’s not part of their make-up, and would be hard to change.

Peace,

Airene