Hi MsMel,

I like to fill my time doing things that will make me feel good physically. I find that when I’m feeling bad physically, any difficult emotions I’m feeling become worse. For example, I tend to hold my stress in my neck and shoulders,  causing tight muscles in both. When I have a painful knot in my neck or shoulder muscles, I tend to focus on the negative things that are happening in my life instead of the positive. It’s almost like I’m  seeing the world through negative lenses. In your case it might be like saying “If only I was with him, this pain I’m feeling would go away. Not being with him is causing my pain.” It’s the weirdest thing, but I’m glad to be aware that I do this. When I’m feeling good physically, I tend to focus more on the positive. In your case it might be like saying to myself “I feel so good physically that I can do this! I can survive and feel good without this relationship. I can be content and exist without him!”  I exercise vigorously and mostly outdoors, and I also try to eat well, stay away from alcohol and unhealthy foods that will ultimately make me feel worse. I also stretch my neck and shoulders, try to release any tension there, meditate, reach out to girlfriends, get activities on my calendar, see movies, go on hikes. All these things help, but being in good physical condition does something magic to my emotions, and also helps me to sleep better at night.

B