Dear cass:

Your last question is: “Why not pick the person they have stronger feelings for?”

In my suggestion that maybe he felt less threatened by his girlfriend than he did with you (let’s say she doesn’t go to parties without him and you did), this means he feels less fear with her than he felt with you. Fear is an undesirable emotion.

He may have felt a strong attraction or attachment to you, but if he also felt fear, then fear was a greater motivator: people run away from what (or who) they fear.

I was wondering: did you experience these feelings before this relationship, as a child perhaps, that you are inadequate, that someone else is better than you, chosen over you (“inadequate…how she might be better than me, why he chose her, etc.”)

anita