Home→Forums→Tough Times→Raped by a police officer→Reply To: Raped by a police officer
Hi Emma,
No need to apologize at all for writing a lot– I’m really glad that you touched base again and I’m so sorry to hear about everything that is happening. If you want to write even more and that helps you to get it out or to just process things, feel free to do so and I am happy to be a sounding board! It definitely sounds like so much to deal with and I bet that it feels all-encompassing, like you can’t even get a break or get away– I’ve been there before too and can relate to how heavy and suffocating it can all feel when everything seems to be happening at the same time.
I’m really proud of you for working through all of your anxieties and stresses about going to the ER and that you were able to show up! You were able to complete the visit even though it was so frustrating and stressful– that’s really impressive that you stuck it out even though the results were not at all what you expected or deserved. That’s a small and important act of self-care that you got yourself there and tried to get some medical assistance!
So sorry to hear about the mental health worker situation as well; 8-10 years is such a long time to get to know someone and trust them, it must be very painful to be coming to the end of this relationship. It really makes a lot of sense that it is kicking up all sorts of heavy emotions especially with all the rest of the stuff you have going on. Do you think you’d be able to or would feel comfortable talking to your existing health worker about some of the stuff that’s been going on (including the transition)? I think she may be open to discussing this and would want you to feel as comfortable as possible with the transition. I can also see though how it probably feels like she’s leaving you alone after being with her so long– the fact that she’s bringing in a new person for the transition might be a good thing, even though it doesn’t really feel like it now. Hopefully your mental health worker knows you well enough by now that she’s likely thought about getting the best fit for you as possible!
If you are having suicidal thoughts again, it might help to try one of the online chat options; they have some really great resources available and people are always around to help. It’s always anonymous, so you don’t even have to worry about them knowing who you are and it might be helpful to have someone to guide you through those thoughts as they are happening. You are doing such a great job though at persisting and getting through all of this– please keep hanging in there and keep us updated! You are not alone in this!!
Amy