Kevin, one thing caught my attention in your posts: you say you’re proud (of not using drugs). Being proud means that you believe you’re doing something you must do, means you believe you’re achieving that ideal of ‘right’ or ‘good’. That means there is and ‘ideal’ in  you still, and the fact that you think you’re fullfiling it makes you feel good: makes you feel proud. If you experienced any anger (even a little bit) while reading this, it means there’s still some resitance in you to let go of a mind made self. Allow the anger, if it’s the case. Don’t be indifferent, don’t think it shouldn’t be there, just allow it. My intention is only the best.